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”, in an apparent effort to encourage, ahem, you know, conversations. Together with the badges, the instigators of this ludicrous attempt to encourage loquacity amongst Londoners are distributing cards telling people they would “benefit from a daily chat”.

Londoners instantly ignored the badges’ exhortations to share their inner most feelings with each other, before running up the nearest escalator so they could tweet their disgust to the world.

London’s commuters were plunged into terror this week as a shadowy organisation attempted to turn decades of convention on its head by encouraging people to talk to one another.

It’s over 140 years since the capital’s inhabitants first learned to keep their gobs shut on underground trains or face the prospect of social approbation and, possibly, asphyxiation.

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Our own production supremo is already shaken after reporting that “someone tried to ‘greet’ me” at the far end of the Victoria Line today.

A Facebook page apparently pushing the button-based commuter conversational crusade has garnered 290 Likes, though we suspect those are mainly from confused tourists.

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