If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies.This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship.It takes time to get over a divorce, much less getting through one. I had been told he'd be divorced for over a year, when in fact he had just been separated a couple weeks. If I knew then what I know now, I would have told him to go away and call me in a year.
Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce.
"I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says.
I realise I am taking a risk on him by sticking with him, and I guess that if I want him then I have to, without even asking for much in return because anything that I might need in a relationship is put on hold while this divorce stuff goes on, and then I just wonder if I am just a fool. I also know that others in my situation can, like me, feel second best.
I feel like Im in too deep already and I dont know which way to turn. I think it depends on different things, how he's handling the divorce emotionally, if he's ready to move on to a new relationship yet, how complicated the divorce is.
Dating a guy who is going through a divorce can be a different type of relationship that not all women are equipped to deal with.